2012 has turned into a year of big changes and developments for me, both personally and professionally.
There have been major losses. Some of these hurt like hell at the time – I got dumped by a supposedly close friend when I was desperately (as in my survival was touch and go) ill in intensive care. Apparently taking care of my seriously ill husband wasn’t a good enough reason for not being available to take her shopping. And as for warning her that she was being taken for a ride by a conman, well that’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love, isn’t it? And to really twist the knife, she wrote to my mum telling her that I deserved to be in the ICU. Talk about picking your moments. But thank you, Elizabeth. Your absence in my life has given me the time, resources and faith in myself to not only start my own business, but for it to succeed. Your negativity held me back, but now it has gone and there is no stopping me now.
The murder of an old friend back in the spring will always leave a hole in my heart. Alan was such a support to me when I first got diagnosed with diabetes, and always had good advice about looking after myself. He did used to tell me off for riding my motorbike too fast, but I always said it was only cos he couldn’t keep up! Or maybe it was because he couldn’t touch the ground with both feet when he sat on my Speed Triple? We had some hilarious times, and I’ll miss him always.
I cried buckets over both. They happened in the same week. In retrospect some people are best remembered with great fondness and others best forgotten. My own very-near-death experience in May has made me much less tolerant of users, bullshitters and insincerity. I even told my nasty bitch of a sister in law where to get off today. Her only input into my life was negative, snide, bitchiness and generally being horrible. So I got rid. Bye.
I have made some wonderful new friends since the nearly being dead thing. We all inspire each other. They give me as much as I give them – and that’s a new thing for me. They support me in such practical ways, like having my son for an hour or two to enable me to get that commission finished, or pitch up with a bottle of wine and a box of Maltesers. Or just take the piss Sal, Mag, Esther & co, what can I say?
This new confidence in dealing with what life has thrown at me this year (there is loads more, but how much more do you wanna know? I mean REALLY?) has made me feel pretty much unfuckingstoppable. I have approached people I would never have dared to before. I have pitched business ideas to rock gods. Done work for film. Basically thought “what the hell”, felt the fear and done it anyway. I have faith in myself and my ideas… Almost certainly some of them will fail. But I reckon enough of them will succeed. And that’ll be the next bit…